so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
