i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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