I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
