So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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