youre lurking in front of me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
