I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize