dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
