He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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