She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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