my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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