the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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