I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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