She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
