talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
