..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
