Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
