Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
