i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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