come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my shit smells like andre
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
