She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
