ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
