She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
