bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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