ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
