24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i've created a new STD.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
