I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
