she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
