I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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