Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
