i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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