I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ketchup is God's man juice
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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