So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize