cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
