drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
