I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
