paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
COCAINE IS GR8
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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