Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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