apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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