I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
