im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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