Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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