I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
