i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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