I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
