My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize