all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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