he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
