Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ugly people sure do ruin things
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
