You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
