Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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