Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Mom said you looked used
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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