you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
