Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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