If that was your dad, he is hot
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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