yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
