I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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