Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
