I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
