I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
