Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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