she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
