it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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