so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
