guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize