matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
