what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
