We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
