I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
