I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
