the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
