one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
