there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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