he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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