Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
