Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
