I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
