i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
