Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
