I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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