I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
