So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The beer is more important than you right now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
