I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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