so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
