I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
