Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
