ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
