Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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