Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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