So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize