dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize