It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
