And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think a kid would responsible me up
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
