He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
