I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
