put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
