I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
