she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize