I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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