dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
