all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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