one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
