I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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