We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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