Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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