Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
