I'm eating all of the evidence.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
