i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
