I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
