i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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