I can tuck mytits in my pants
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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