no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
