When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
