All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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