This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
