I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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